The Confidence Paradox: Why "Be More Confident" Is a Trap for Female Athletes
"Just be more confident."
If you're a female athlete, you've likely heard this advice more times than you can count. From coaches, parents, and even teammates, it’s offered as the key to breaking through performance slumps or plateaus. Though it’s well-intentioned, this simple phrase ignores a complex reality many women in sports navigate every day: the fine line between confidence and what society often labels as arrogance.
For female athletes, expressing self-assurance isn't always celebrated. It can be met with criticism or negative labels that male counterparts rarely face. This creates a paradox where you are pushed to believe in yourself, but penalized when you actually do.
This isn't a personal failing; it's a systemic issue rooted in long-standing cultural expectations of how women should behave. Let's explore why this happens and how you can build genuine, unshakable confidence without feeling like you have to apologize for it.
The Gendered Tightrope of Confidence and Arrogance
Sport has historically been framed as a male domain. Traits like aggression, dominance, and overt confidence are not just accepted in male athletes; they're often encouraged and seen as signs of a winner. When a male athlete celebrates a great play or speaks openly about his goals, he's seen as competitive. When a female athlete does the same, she risks being called arrogant, cocky, or worse.
Research shows that many women lack confidence in activities judged to be "sex-role inappropriate," such as competitive, evaluative sports. This isn't because women are inherently less confident. It's because they are socialized to be more communal and less overtly self-promotional. Stepping into the competitive arena means challenging deep-seated societal norms about femininity.
This puts you in a double bind:
Be confident, but not too confident.
Be competitive, but not aggressive.
Be a leader, but don't be "bossy."
This tightrope walk is exhausting. It forces you to constantly self-monitor and dilute your own self-belief to make others comfortable. The fear of being negatively judged can hold you back from fully embracing the mindset needed to perform at your peak.
Confidence Is Not the Gateway to Arrogance
It's a myth that there's a natural progression from confidence to arrogance. The two are fundamentally different, and understanding this distinction is crucial for your mental game.
Confidence is internal. It's a quiet, powerful belief in your ability that comes from preparation, hard work, and experience. A truly confident athlete doesn't need to announce their confidence; their actions and performance speak for themselves. It’s about knowing what you’re capable of and trusting your training. This belief is a cornerstone of positive psychology in sports and helps you navigate the highs and lows of competition.
Arrogance is external. It's often a mask for insecurity and a need for outside validation. Arrogant athletes flaunt their abilities and put others down to lift themselves up. They focus on celebrating every minor victory and drawing attention to themselves, rather than focusing on the team's success or the process of improvement.
The problem isn't your confidence; it’s the cultural lens through which it is viewed. When you, as a female athlete, simply exist and compete, you are engaging in a form of "everyday resistance." You are challenging outdated norms just by showing up, training hard, and owning your space.
How to Build Confidence Authentically (and Let Go of the Fear)
Building confidence isn't about becoming someone you're not. It's about finding strength in who you are and what you've accomplished. It's a skill you can cultivate, just like any other aspect of your sport. Here are some ways to do it, while recognizing that the system, not you, needs to change.
1. Anchor Your Confidence in Your Work
True confidence is earned through consistent effort. Instead of focusing on outcomes you can't control, anchor your self-belief in your process. This is about raising the floor of your performance through consistent, deliberate practice.
Acknowledge your preparation: Remind yourself of the hours of practice, the early mornings, and the sacrifices you've made. Your confidence comes from the work you've put in.
Keep a training log: Documenting your progress provides tangible evidence of your improvement. On days when you feel doubtful, reviewing your log can be a powerful reminder of how far you've come. Consider creating a confidence jar to visually track your wins, big and small.
2. Redefine Success and Failure
Perfectionism can be a huge source of anxiety. Striving for excellence is great, but basing your self-worth on flawless performance is a recipe for burnout.
Embrace messy progress: Growth is not a straight line. It’s full of squiggles, setbacks, and plateaus. Instead of seeing a bad day as a failure, view it as part of the journey. A DNF, for example, doesn't define you; how you pick yourself up afterward does.
Focus on learning: Shift your mindset from "winning or losing" to "learning and growing." Every competition, win or lose, offers valuable lessons that will make you a better athlete.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
The voice in your head is often your harshest critic. Treat yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you would offer a teammate. This is a vital mental skill for all athletes, especially for female athlete mental health.
Challenge negative self-talk: When you catch yourself being overly critical, pause and reframe the thought. Instead of "I can't do this," try "This is challenging, but I am capable of handling it."
Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge your effort and small achievements along the way. Did you push through a tough workout? Did you execute a new skill in practice? These moments matter.
4. Find and Be a Role Model
Visibility is crucial. Seeing other women compete with unapologetic confidence helps normalize it for everyone and is essential for promoting diversity and inclusion in sports.
Seek out role models: Follow female athletes who embody the kind of confidence you admire. Notice how they carry themselves and handle both success and setbacks.
Be the role model for others: By embracing your own confidence, you give other girls and women permission to do the same. Your presence and self-belief can inspire the next generation.
The Real Work Ahead
Ultimately, the burden of fixing this gendered double standard should not fall on individual athletes. It's a cultural problem that requires a collective shift. Coaches, parents, and sports media have a responsibility to celebrate confident female athletes without qualification. They need to recognize that confidence looks the same, regardless of gender.
In the meantime, remember this: your confidence is not a problem to be solved. It is a strength to be nurtured. Anchor it in your hard work, practice self-compassion, and trust in your abilities. You get to go on a quest to see how good you can be—and that is an exhilarating experience worth embracing, unapologetically.
Navigating these challenges can be tough, but you don't have to do it alone. Working with a professional can provide you with the tools to build resilient confidence and perform at your best. If you're ready to unlock your potential, consider learning more about how 1:1 sport psychology coaching can help you on your journey and schedule your FREE consult today.
References for more reading ⤵
Corbin, C. B. (1984). Self-Confidence of Females in Sports and Physical Activity. Clinics in Sports Medicine, 3(4), 895-908.
Isard, R. F., Melton, E. N., & Macaulay, C. D. T. (2023). Women’s sport and everyday resistance. Frontiers in Sports and Active Living, 5.
Ross, R. (2015). Confidence vs. Arrogance In Athletes. RossTraining.com.
Sport Policy & Research Collaborative. (2021). Confidence vs. Arrogance. The Global Sport Institute at Arizona State University.
UN Women. (2024). Explainer: Five things to know about women and sport.
